Thay’ın Günlüğünden

frozen beachesThich Nhat Han’ın 36 yaşında yazdığı günlüğe rastlamıştım, tam da kendi 36 yaşımda:) Walk With Me filminde Benedict Cumberbatch’in seslendirdiği kısımlar bu günlüktenmiş meğer.

When icy winter comes,
it is unforgiving to all things young, tender, and insecure.
One must grow beyond youthful uncertainty to survive.
Maturity and determination are necessary.
Seeing the courageous, solid way that trees prepare for winter
helps me appreciate the lessons I’ve learned.
When the garden is fully weeded,
the flowers, symbol of enlightenment
have the opportunity to continue to grow.
You need compost to have flowers
and you need to have suffering to be awakened.
Full stop.
Suffering is the compost.
The food of awakening.
You have to look for enlightenment in the suffering.
This is why we have the expression
“Suffering is enlightenment”
And “finding Nirvana in birth and death”
Listening to the Dharma in the ultimate dimension
I see the autumn leaves fall
occupying the whole sky
I see the autumn moon
On every path, old path
But the Dharma is neither full nor empty.
At first it seemed like a passing cloud.
But after several hours
I began to feel my body turning to smoke and floating away.
I became a faint wisp of a cloud.
I had always thought of myself as a solid entity
and suddenly I saw that I am not solid at all.
I saw that the entity I had taken to be me was really a fabrication.
My true nature, I realized, was much more real.
Both uglier and more beautiful than I could ever have imagined.
Friends want you to appear in the familiar form they know,
but that is impossible.
How could we continue to live if we were changeless?
To live, we must die every instant.
We must perish again and again in the storms that make life possible.
I became a battlefield
and I couldn’t know until the storm was over if I would survive;
not in the sense of my physical life but in the deepest sense of my core self.
I experienced destruction upon destruction
and felt a tremendous longing for the presence of those I love
even though I knew that if they were present
I would have to chase them away, or run away myself
When the storm finally passed,
layers of inner mortar lay crumbled.
On the now-deserted battlefield a few sunbeams peeked through the horizon,
too weak to offer any warmth to my weary soul.
I was full of wounds
yet experienced an almost thrilling sense of aloneness.
No one would recognise me in my new manifestation.
No one close to me would know it was I.
Mountains and rivers, Earth and Sun
all lie within the heart of consciousness.
When that realisation arises, time and space dissolve.
Cause and effect, birth and death all vanish.
Though I dwell a hundred thousand light years from a star,
I can cross that distance in a flash.
At that moment I felt perfectly at peace.
Not one sad or anxious thought entered my mind.
Ideas of past, present and future dissolved,
and I was standing at the luminous threshold of a reality
that transcends time, space and action.
I arose and sat in meditation the rest of the night.
All that remained was a deeply-rooted peace.
I sat like a mountain and I smiled.

 

 

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